Romancing The Road...

THE BEST: 10 HARRISON FORD LINES

I came across this list in WIRED magazine and thought it would make a good addition to my blog.  Enjoy.

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."  -HAN SOLO, STAR WARS

"You want to talk to God?  Let's go see him together."  -INDIANA JONES, RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK

"The report would be 'Routine retirement of replicant,' which didn't make me feel any better about shooting a woman in the back."  -RICK DECKARD, BLADE RUNNER

"Laugh it up fuzzball."  -Han Solo, THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

"It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage."  -Indiana Jones, Raiders of The Lost Ark

"The earth moved.  The angles wept.  The Polaroids are ... uh ... are in my other coat."  -JACK TRAINER, WORKING GIRL

"When you find the colonel, infiltrate his team by whatever means available and terminate the colonel's command."  -COL. LUCAS, APOCALYPSE NOW

"Hey you're supposed to be the fastest thing in the valley, man.  But that can't be you car.  It must be your mama's car!  I'm sort of embarrassed to be this close to you!"  -BOB FALFA, AMERICAN GRAFFITI

"She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."  -Han Solo, star Wars

"Strictly speaking, there's no such thing as invention, you know.  It's only magnifying what already exists."  -ALLIE FOX, MOSQUITO COAST

Feet on one end, pussy on the other.

These are some more things that me and my sailor friends have said over the years.

"You got the kind of legs I like.  Feet on one end, pussy on the other."

"Woman, rum, and song; a sailor's cocktail."  VA

"Wind, salt, and stars; a sailor's cocktail."  VA

"Drinking, fighting, and whoring; a sailor's cocktail."  VA

"She was all giggles, and I was all laughs, but I had a ship to catch.  I bought one last round for me and the whore, but I had a ship to catch.  Then blank!"   This was a sobering wake up call for me in Singapore.  I was hanging out with a ship mate and a couple of Filipino whores.  Drinking cocktails, laughing, and the next thing I remember is waking up 10 hours later on board my ship.  I slept right through my watch.  Some one had slipped me a micky.  I think.  What is the lesson I learned?  Don't hang out with Filipino whores?  No!  The lesson I learned is don't drink from open container's in shady foreign ports.

"I'm mulatto on the light side."    I once sailed with a black Chief Steward named Howard.  We got along great and when I told him I was Cuban he told me that I must have some black blood in me.  That's when I told him that I was mulatto on the light side.  Those of you who know how fair complected I am are laughing right now.

"Boys go away to sea.  Men run away to it."  VA

Q:  What do you call a sailor without a girlfriend.  A:  Homeless.

"Gentleman of fortune."  RLS

Rowboat - an incompetent sailor

"Taking is borrowing without the formality of asking."

Turnkey Captain - this one is used to describe yachty Captain's that can turn a boat on and nothing more.

"That's good enough for government work."

SAILOR'S TALKING

These are some thing's that my shipmate's have said over the years.  Parental guidance is suggested.

Any port in the storm - meaning that after a long voyage any woman will do.

Jody - the fictional or real guy messing around with your woman while you're at sea.  I've seen sailor's brought to tears by their shipmate's with this one.  A chief cook once asked me if I had a girl back home.  I jokingly responded by telling him that I was Jody.  He said, "Vic, I bet you are."

You sound like a shit salesman with a mouth full of samples.

LBFM - Little Brown Fucking Machine, in reference to SE Asian women.

Moped - she's fun to ride as long as your friends don't see you.

Night flier - she's so ugly that as you walk in the bedroom with her you start turning out the lights.

Painter's wanted: sailor's need not apply.

A.I.S. - Asshole in sight

N.A.S. - No Ass Syndrome

AB - Ask the boson, always bitchin

H.B.O. - Haitian Body Odor

Standing by to stand by.

S.M.I.B's - Southern Maryland Inbreds.  You hear this one a bunch at the Merchant Marine school in Pine Point Maryland.

P.O.D.S. - Post Orgasmic Distress Syndrome

F.U.P. - Fat Upper Pussy

Work like your alone. Too often men get to giving other men of the same rank work orders while on deck.  This is the advice I give those men in order to avoid conflict's.  (VA)

AB's don't give orders they take orders. (VA)

Reasons why I can't work on the POA:

1. I can't tender because I get sea sick.
2. I can't do pools because I am sensitive to chemicals.
3. I can't go aloft or over the side because I am scared of heights.
4. I can't work on deck because I have a sore back.

• But you can't fire me because I have a fit for duty. (VA)

"Do whatever you want but don't work."

ON BACHELORHOOD

"What do you call a sailor without a girlfriend?"

Answer: homeless.

Anonomous Sailor